Embellished Truth & Polite Fiction

Here is the first chapter of the novel I started in November…

The Music Man

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Lilian looked over at Mr. Copeland, sitting beside her in the waiting room It was cold, cold and sterile. Lily felt a little queasy as they waited and wondered if it was just nerves or from something more. She looked down at her hand, holding tightly to Mr. Copeland’s. Her pale skin seemed so unnatural against his much darker flesh. Almost like a black and white movie. It seemed as though the decisions that lay before them should be as simple as black and white. It seemed like they should be obvious choices. But they weren’t. No matter how she looked at them, they just weren’t.

Lily’s stomach grumbled. She smiled nervously at Mr. Copeland who gave her a concerned glance. She had just eaten before coming to the clinic. How could she be hungry again already? She was glad they were the only ones in the waiting room as she looked up at the words above the large glass window. In large painted blue letters it said, ‘Planned Parenthood’. Lily had always thought it was a ridiculous name, seeing as how the people who typically found themselves in such a place tended to have the opposite concerns. Either they were preventing parenthood or they were looking for a solution to an accidental parenthood. What ‘Planned Parenthood’ had to do with anything that went on there was beyond her. Unless, of course, they were merely pointing out a goal one should aspire to. Lily snickered under her breath at the thought. She had never been very good at achieving the goals she set for herself. A heavy sigh escaped her lips and Mr. Copeland squeezed her hand a bit tighter. Offering some silent comfort and reassurance.

He is so brave for even coming in here with me.. Lily thought to herself.

It was fairly obvious to anyone that Mr. Copeland was considerably older than Lily. Their differences were plentiful, a perfect example of ‘opposites attract’. He was a 30 year old band teacher, a black man who had moved to this state from California only a few years earlier. Lily was an 18 year old student of his who had lived in this relatively small suburb in southern Minnesota all her life. She wondered at their fate as they sat side by side in the waiting room. Was this their end, their beginning, the beginning of their end? She deeply wished that she could have taken an at home pregnancy test and avoided this public spectacle, but they couldn’t afford having either her brother Donnie or Mr. Copeland’s roommate Jim find out about them. It could have disastrous affects. So here they sat in a Planned Parenthood clinic, awaiting a test that would change their future no matter what the outcome.

Neither of them dared bring up the topic of what would be done if the test came back positive. Neither of them even wanted to really accept the possibility.. or the responsibility.

Their relationship had begun in a way that felt innocent and pure. It was hard to pinpoint exactly where their friendship and teacher-student relationship had crossed the line into something more. Of course, you could point to the change in their actions and behavior, but the feelings were there long before they had acted upon them. Was it when they spoke of those feelings? Was it when the felt them? It was all irrelevant now.

Lily sat close to Mr. Copeland on the floor in front of lumpy old couch in the basement of Cindy’s house. Probably too close. But no one seemed to notice. They were watching The Princess Bride, a favorite movie of many of the students. They often gathered for movie nights, whether at Cindy’s house or even in the band room on occasion. The students spent so much time together that they were always planning social gatherings as well, and Mr. Copeland was always invited because he was simply one of the crew.

Lily could feel the warmth from Mr. Copeland’s body even through he blanket she had curled up under in the chilly basement. She could almost feel the movement of his body as he breathed beside her in the dark even though they weren’t touching. She thought back to the phone conversation they’d had the night before.

“I’m really looking forward to tomorrow,” he’d said. Lily loved the sound of his voice. It was so familiar and so comforting.

“I am too,” Lily replied. “I love The Princess Bride.”

Mr. Copeland was silent for a moment. “Well, I’m happy you are able to come.”

“Yeah. Well, I wouldn’t if you weren’t able to give me a ride home. So.. thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure. Truly.” Lily could hear the weight of meaning in the tone of his voice.

She was young, but she was not naïve. His attraction to her was obvious, even without it being articulated. Her heart skipped a beat and her stomach was filled with butterflies. The feeling was definitely mutual between them. Heck, at least half the girls in the Marshall High band had a crush on him. And of course, his casual familiar way with them only seemed to encourage it.

Lily was comfortable with Mr. Copeland. She’d been in band with him since he started teaching at Marshall her freshman year. And when her parents had died in a car accident her sophomore year, their friendship had deepened and he had become her main support person, being the only one who really understood what she was going through since he’d lost his own father as a teen.

She wondered if anyone noticed that Mr. Copeland had pulled some of the blanket onto his own lap. She wondered if anyone cared. Lily was turned away from him, resting her elbow on the couch. Mr. Copeland’s fingers caressed the bare skin on her back between the hem of her shirt and the waist of her jeans. Her body filled with warmth and her head was swimming. She felt like she was floating. His fingers traced little circles and moved up and down the bare patch of skin, sending shivers down her spine and making her feel like she might melt into the floor. Lily could feel his breath on the back of her neck as he rested his own elbow on the couch behind hers. She closed her eyes and savored the sensation. Oh how she wished they were alone right now! She longed to turn around and face him allowing their lips to touch.

The tension that had been building between the two of them made Lily tremble now as just a tiny bit was released. She was shocked by the strong feelings that were being evoked by just his fingers on her skin. She was a little scared. She knew it wasn’t appropriate, and she  wondered if she should stop him, to tell him no. But she had no desire to do so and just could not force herself to. No, she knew this was what she wanted. She knew it with every last quivering breath she let out into the cold dark basement where she suddenly felt so very warm. So alive. And happier than she had in a very long time.

Still, Lily worried that Mr. Copeland didn’t feel quite so strongly about her. She was a beautiful girl. Young, slender, perfect figure, long silky black hair, bright green eyes.. vulnerable. And she knew that it did not always work to her advantage. Many times boys had only been interested in her because of her looks. And because of that, she’d become very picky about who she dated. She realized that to Mr. Copeland she may just be a pretty young girl that he saw as an easy target. Was he a predator? Was she just his prey? Lily had a hard time believing that, though she realized it was entirely possible. But now? In this moment? She really didn’t care.

“I had one of those moments today. You know, the ones where you sit and wonder ‘what if?‘ for a little while..” Celia said.

“Okay.” answered Jacob, sounding only half interested, at best.

She sat for a minute, lost in thought, assuming he didn’t care to hear more. Why bother talking about it if he doesn’t even want to listen?

“What kind of ‘what if‘ were you thinking about?” he asked finally.

“Oh, nothing specific really.. I was more focused on what my feelings and reactions would be.”

“And what were they?”

Celia breathed a heavy sigh. Jacob was never fond of less than rosy topics. Still, she felt a small nagging to let it out, to talk about it.

“I didn’t care,” she answered, looking down at her rather worn boots. “I guess I’ve kind of reached a point where I feel more like a character in a story than a real person. I mean, bad things happening would make me sad and hurt me.. I guess. But in the end, what does it matter? I don’t really care. And I guess the bad things don’t matter or hurt quite so much if it makes the story more interesting, you know?”

“Umm.. okay..” Jacob looked at her like she was speaking another language.

“I know you don’t understand. I don’t really understand it either. But.. I guess I’m sort of numb to life.”

“That doesn’t sound normal.. or healthy.”

Celia started to squirm in her seat a little, started to feel uncomfortable. She was worried that Jacob was going to think she was a total freak and run screaming from her apartment. They’d only been dating a few months, but she felt close to him. She felt like he was a trustworthy person.. not that she felt she could trust him, or had any intention to trust him.. just that here, in this moment, he was worthy of trusting.

“You okay, Celia?” Jacob tried to make eye contact with her. She avoided him.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I should get ready for work.”

“Ok. I’ve got some errands to run. You still want to have dinner when you’re off?”

“Of course. I’ll see you later.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and watched as he headed out the door.

Celia picked up the phone and called in sick to work. She just didn’t feel like going today. She couldn’t stand the idea of having to face so many people today, and in retail it’s just unavoidable.

Celia’s childhood had been rough. But through it all, she’d still had bright spots, good memories. But after she’d moved out of her parents house, after she’d started a life of her own, things got better. She started to feel really happy, really content. She had a boyfriend, Tim. He loved her, she loved him. They’d been together for over 2 years and had even started talking about marriage.

Then Celia’s younger brother died. He was only 19. He was out partying with his friends, he’d had a few drinks. Then, he tried to drive home. Yeah, we all know how that story ends, don’t we.

Not only was Celia devastated by her brother’s death but, to add insult to injury, she also had to deal with the embarrassment and humiliation of everyone knowing that her brother had died young because he was stupid enough to drive drunk. It was a hard pill to swallow. It caused distance in her relationship with Tim who grew impatient with her grieving. Who had no trouble finding someone new and leaving her behind.

Eventually, Celia shut down. Much like she had during the bulk of her childhood. She let herself go numb, because she couldn’t stand the pain anymore. Every time she’d try to deal with it, to allow herself to grieve, it would overtake her and she would find herself unable to function. She didn’t have time to not function. So she cut it off.

But now, Celia was with Jacob. And she had brief fleeting moments of happiness and contentment. Moments where she could feel again. Moments that, if she let them last long enough, quickly became mixed with intense sadness and pain. Sadness that was too big and too scary to face. She was tired of the flip-flopping. Exhausted from letting herself feel for a moment and then having to turn it off. Like living alone in a dark room and being allowed to turn on the light for a minute now and then, seeing that there are others there with you, and then quickly having to shut it off again.

Celia was tired. Exhausted. Celia had had enough. It was time to make a decision. Keep the lights on and let her eyes adjust to a new, and potentially very painful, reality.. or keep living in the dark?